The Drugs Work! Hurray!

Lemme bring you up to speed just in case you didn’t read last weeks blog. I’d made up my mind to make a doctors appointment to see about medication to help with my anxiety. Here is it a week later and YES, I had a wonderful doctor who actually listened to me! Can you frickin’ believe it?! I had 20 minutes to state my case and the lovely doctor lady said, “Well…why don’t we try this pill….and this other pill too just for good measure. You try these out and see how they work for you.” Oh, my flipping G*d. I was so happy when I walked out of there with a prescription for, not one, but TWO different pills.

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I have a safety net! Yeah!

I’m not usually one for medication and I try my darnedest to stay off medication but I here’s the thing that makes me happy about the pills I got. I don’t need to take them every day. I only take them if I need them. One set of pills are beta-blockers. They should help calm me down if I feel like a panic attack is coming. I only need half a pill when I feel one coming on. I don’t need to take it every day, just when I’m feeling overwhelmed. The second pill is heavier stuff. I should take a half-pill only if I actually have a panic attack. Since my last two panic attacks were 4 months apart, I think my pills will last me a good long time.

Imagine, one little half of a pill will make it so I don’t have to lie in bed feeling like I’m dying until the panic attack goes through it’s paces. Can you imagine??? So now I have pills for when I feel anxious or am having a panic attack. Just having them in my purse helps relieve my stress immensely. I now have a safety net and I don’t have to live in fear of what my body is going to do from one day to the next. I’ve been happier this week than I’ve been in ages. I’ve not worried so much about how my body is going to react because I now have a safety net. I guess after 9 years of managing my stress, panic attacks and all that it entails, I’m entitled to a little peace of mind don’t ya think?

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Late night bass practice. Yes I was tired.

I’m still doing yoga/meditation every day and I’m practicing my bass as well. It’s incredibly meditative to play music (or something like music, I’m not that good yet). I even signed up for Reiki lessons! Yes, I did. All you nay sayers can just keep your opinions to yourself. I think it’ll be fun to try something new. Besides, if I can find another way to balance my body, why wouldn’t I want to learn it?

I hope you all won’t be disappointed in me for getting medication….wait, what the hell am I saying? Sorry not sorry. *grin* .

So here’s the line up this week in Yogaia.com.

  • Sunday: Create Space in the Body… (great stretching! It actually made me sore!)
  • Monday: Drop Into Stillness (great little meditation. I recommend it highly. I also did Yoga Nidra afterwards.
  • Tuesday: Yin (it was an hour but it was worth it) Nice and slow long stretches to release tension
  • Wednesday: Drop into Stillness (I really dig these 15 minute meditations. They can be done lying down as well as sitting).
  • Thursday: Yoga Nidra (I did it on my own without Yogaia. My iPad was outta zip, boo!)
  • Friday: Yoga Nidra
  • Saturday: Yoga Nidra

Life is good peeps. Honestly so happy. I finally feel like things are on the up and up. I want to thank my good friend Maarit (you know who you are) who has helped me over the years. She was the one that finally made me see that I don’t have to live in fear and that it’s ok to get help. Maarit my love, I’m clinking imaginary champagne in a toast to you. Until next week, keep on keeping on.

P.S. – Sorry about the late post. It’s a 3-day weekend and I’d totally forgotten about it on Sunday. Yup…totally busted.

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The Meds Don’t Work

I’ve got several friends that are taking medication for anxiety. I’ve always been just a little bit envious that my friends got medication but I didn’t get any. The doctor told me no and so did the psychiatrist. Their reasoning is that my attitude is too positive. I always thought that medication was the fix all for anxiety. Pop a pill and the attack slinks off into a corner and weeps a little, having had its hiney whipped by captain Xanax.

864362d0b90c14b9901b13a0d8ae05c4One of my friends (blessed with medication) told me that they had a major attack even though they had medication. This shook my belief system to the core. All this time I’ve been thinking that medication is the be all end all help to make the anxiety boogie man go away. Imagine my shock when I found out that you can still have attacks while on the meds. All of the sudden I’m not so ready to take a pill to tame anxiety. What’s a girl to do? Is there no escaping the big A? It’s a bit like feeling secure in knowing the emergency exit is near by only to find that it’s been bricked up.

I guess there’s only one thing to do. Keep going on my current path and not rely on medication as an alternative path. Nothing is for sure. You ever notice that medication and meditation are nearly identical words? Change out the ‘c’ for a ‘t’ and there you go. These weeks have been very busy, and frankly, I’m amazed that I’ve been pretty ok. I’ve had some days where breathing has been hard (can’t catch my breath) and my heart was beating in my ears but it was manageable. Lately, whenever i’ve been feeling like life was spinning out of control, I just think to myself, “None of this is real or truly important”. If you read the previous post about the holographic universe, you’ll know why.  In fact, I’ll share the video with you. It’s a five part series but it’s so worth it. You’re welcome.

This week (and the past several weeks) I’ve been doing a lot of building. I’m beginning to think my fingernails will never recover. The goal is to get the building done by the end of April so we’re in full insanity mode. Me and my husband are crazy non-stop building. My job has been tiling lately. Tiling adhesive stuff eats your fingers and your nails. I think when we’re all done, I’ll go have a manicure and pedicure to celebrate. Add a bottle of Champagne to that list. You can bet your ass I’ll be celebrating when I paint that last wall.

This week has been another week of Yoga Nidra. Building is all the exercise I need at the moment. My ass muscles hurt and I can feel every single joint in my body when I wake up in the morning. I think it’s safe to say I’m getting plenty of exercise. I would love to do some yin yoga though. That’s so lovely. I just need to find more time in my day. Generally I come home from work, cook food, go build, come down and put kids to bed maybe, build more and come down when I’m too exhausted to continue and then fall into bed. One benefit of doing Yoga Nidra is that you can do it in the bed under warm blankets. It really makes it easy to fall asleep. Sometimes I even fall alseep during the session. It keeps my head from thinking about all the crap I need to get done and all the crap I didn’t get done.

I just need to keep breathing. I know I’ll get through this phase of my life. In Finland, they have a really nice phrase for the years with young children. They’re called “ruhkavuodet”. That basically translates as busy years. How are people dealing with all the stuff going on? I’m just hanging on for dear life. I guess that’s why we have captain Xanax.